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James Bell

👋 Kia ora, I’m James. I live in Milford, on Auckland’s North Shore. In the nineties I ran a BBS from a spare room; since then I’ve worked in IT, social services and recruitment, spent thirty-odd years making theatre, and run a small consultancy on the side. I build tools I probably shouldn’t, tinker with old Macs, watch too much television, rewatch the same films, take photographs and travel with one bag. I keep a page about what I’m doing now.

  • Discovering Jean-Michel Jarre

    I was introduced to Jean-Michel Jarre at one of the first Laser Tag arenas in New Zealand, possibly the world.

    It was called “Futron” and was in a large warehouse next to a popular theme park in West Auckland.

    It was multi-level, filled with fog machines and lasers and Star Trek style doors that opened when you shot them, and Jean-Michel Jarre played as a constant soundtrack.

    I remember there were TV screens giving instructions to each team, and we have to successfully tag four pyramid “flags” throughout the playing area.

    It was truely magical for a space-and-sci-fi obsessed preteen.

    My friends and I only went a couple of times before it turned into paintball, which wasn’t as much fun for 11yr olds!

    As a direct results of Futon, Jarre’s Rendez-vous was one of the first vinyls I ever bought and I remember playing it over and over again on weekend mornings when my parents were still in bed, happily drumming along on the sofa.

    Fourth Rendez-Vous was my favourite, but by coincidence, Jarre also featured on New Zealand TV with Equinoxe, Pt. 4 used as at the theme for a popular wildlife show, Our World.

    Hearing it now still gives me late 80’s family TV night flashbacks.

  • If you unscrew your belly button, your bottom will fall off; and other things my Dad taught me.

    My Dad, with glasses and a beard, sticking his tongue out at the camera in front of a brick wall.

    My Dad died on 5 December 2021.

    My earliest memory is sitting on his shoulders watching a Guy Fawkes bonfire on one of several visits to the UK as a child.

    An electrical engineer by trade, he worked on some of the early mainframes before moving to New Zealand to marry my mum. He loved teaching my brother, cousins, grandchildren and I about anything scientific, the ancient Lancastrian martial art of Ecky Thump and stories of building a canon and blowing a hole in the neighbours garage – but refusing to let my brother and I make anything similar!

    I hope he has found my mum, who he missed dearly, and the rest of his welcoming party, at the great ISO9000 audit conference in the sky.

    Below are some important life lessons he taught me over the years:

    If you unscrew your belly button, your bottom will fall off.

    This, along with the “lying still game” and many other “games” ensured hours of peace and quiet for adults trying to talk after dinner or at any family occasion.

    Don’t play “knuckles” with my Dad. You have been warned.

    Your friends and acquaintances follow you everywhere you go

    It didn’t matter where we were – traveling around the country, at a hospital appointment with Mum, or a hotel in Hong Kong, Dad would suddenly strike up a conversation with a seemingly random person and it would turn out they knew each other in some obscure way.

    Even the Chaplin who blessed Dad’s body at the hospital after he passed knew him from his time on the local school Board of Trustees – even in death, still finding people he knows.

    Your neighbours will indulge the craziest of schemes

    We were gifted a very old and very heavy piano. To get it inside required moving it from a neighbouring house to our house, and going up a considerable flight of stairs.

    Rather than spend money on professional piano movers, somehow Dad convinced every abled-bodied person in our street to pitch in and help carry the piano up the stairs, which they did willingly.

    At some point my friends and I collected aluminium cans to raise funds to build a clubhouse.

    We didn’t collect enough to buy plywood for the walls, so we came up with the plan to cover the neighbour’s old hen-house with black polythene.

    I don’t know what Mr McGregor thought when Dad turned up one afternoon with a large sheet of polythene and a staple gun but he let him cover the old hen-house with it without question.

    Black polythene isn’t a great material for building clubhouses, by the way.

    Delegate

    Dad and I went for one practice driving lesson.

    Rumour is that I rolled into the car in front of us at an intersection.

    From that point on, Mum was in charge of driving lessons.

    People often talk about carrying secrets to the grave. I am about to reveal one of Dad’s recent secrets.

    How to troll your cousin

    One of the side effects of being an engineer is the irresistible urge to take things apart.

    Mum like collecting cheap outdoor solar lights that often broke (or got crushed by cars). Dad salvaged a particular light with a green LED, took it apart, and hung the still-working electrics in the dining room window.

    Every night at dusk the little green light would come on.

    Our cousin Maureen has been visiting for many years now, and would stay with my parents over Christmas. This particular year, she noticed the little green light hanging in the window.

    “What’s that light?” she asked.

    Quick as a flash, Dad explained that it was a new Auckland Council initiative to remind elderly people to close their curtains when it got dark. They had people driving round to check and if they saw the light, you got a fine.

    Maureen must have been skeptical, but Mum immediately backed up Dad’s story.

    For the three years that followed, Maureen would jump up as soon as the light came on to close the curtains, determined to avoid a fine.

    Sadly the little LED light stopped working and was thrown away.

    Maureen queried where it was the following year, and Dad explained the scheme had ended after complaints and the elderly were left to control their own curtain closing once more.

    In Summary

    • Figure out a way to make children keep quiet and call it a game
    • Make enough friends so they’ll always be someone around who you know, and they’ll help with your crazy projects
    • You can convince anyone to believe a good story
    • Delegate the really dangerous jobs to your wife.

  • The most important thing interviewers are looking for in job interviews.

    Two men in shirts and ties shaking hands across a desk, with a document between them.

    Sometimes you get candidates who you can tell just live and breathe the world you work in. They have an opinion on tabs vs spaces, they know about the latest news in the industry, and you can just sort of tell that this is something they care about.

    Then, you have those who have the prepared answers, the ones who say things like “I’m passionate about creating synergistic solutions to strategic business asset evaluations” or some other corporate speak – they’ve read the company values and are parroting them it back to you. You can spent a whole hour with them and still feel like you don’t know the real person.

    In short, they aren’t being genuine, they are saying what they think you want to hear.

    I can already hear the people itching to comment along the lines of “but no one cares that much about a retail job, they just need the money”.

    The thing is, the best candidates – the ones employers really want to hire – they do care – they have an opinion about restocking shelves, stock rotation, the best way to setup endcaps etc. Thats what makes them good candidates.

    The truth is, an interviewer is trying to figure out three things:

    • Are you a nice person who I’d like to work with each day
    • Can you do the things you say you can do on your resume
    • And can you do it with some enthusiasm.

    Thats it really.

    Also, be nice to the receptionist.

    In almost every interview situation I’ll ask the receptionist who they liked best, and it’s always the same candidate we chose. Almost makes you wonder if interviews are worth the bother!

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