writing | Mr James Bell

When I was much younger I wrote an epic sci-fi graphic novel. Because talent like this should not be lost to time, I present in all it’s glory – The Mystrons. (Not to be confused with The Mysterons – I assume there was some sort of copyright issue)

(With apologies to Gerry Anderson)

(I suspect NASA did not receive their copy.)

One day when I was putting the milk out I got (hit) by a laser beam. It hit my foot. I did cry. Some more came I hid behind the letter box. Then it stopped. I went back inside. I found that it came from the moon. I wondered how?

It was the next day. I saw a flying saucer. I tried to take a photo of it but when it was developed it was blank. I saw it again I tried to take a photo of it again but the same happened so I did not (try) it again. But then…….

The next day it landed on our drive when I was getting the paper. Then a voice said “This is the voice of the Mystrons”

A ramp came down. A man stepped out. He caught me. I shouted “help”. Russell looked out of his window. He came to help but he got caught as well. They took us in

We bit them they bit us it hurt. They took us into a room and locked us up. The guards came in they came into the room. They left the door open . But if we moved they would shoot us with a gun you would (not) die. But if you moved again you would.

Then the Mystrons started to attack but when we attacked our bullets just blew up so we gave up. They landed and kidnapped everyone they could see.

Meanwhile, on earth they were getting ready to attack. When they were high they took us to the door and made us jump our of the door. The people on earth saw us but didn’t do anything then they noticed who is was and they rescued us

Me and Russell were the only ones on earth because all over the world they were attacking. We ran to Whenuapai airport. We jumped into an Orion but did not know how to drive one we just guessed. We took off we rescued everyone and never landed again.

Notes

I’m not 100 per cent how old I was – 7 or 8 I think
The final page is drawn in crayon. I have no idea why
“Russell” was my next door neighbour.

The NZ Herald published an article about Kiwi Slang, so I thought I’d try and use all of their examples in a sentence. I didn’t quite mange it, but I did write a sweet as story.

In the original version some Australianisms crept in – I put this down to growing up with a neighbour who was originally from Australia – they used many of the Kiwi slang terms too, so they sort of all merged into one. I have re-edited the text to remove them in this version.

To be read in the style of Radio New Zealand story time.

A trip to the beach

Barry packed his bag for the trip to the bach. Looking forward to the sweet summer ahead, his pack was already chocka when he realised he had forgotten his togs and jandals.

He looked through the mess in his room, until he found both jandals under his bed where the dog had hidden them. He sighed looking at the tooth marks. They were totally munted.

Mum came back from the dairy, and Barry asked if they could take a tiki-tour past The Warehouse to buy some new jandals. Mum agreed, and off they went.

It wasn’t long before they were right out in the wop-wops, and Dad’s “rolls canardly” was starting to sound a bit suss.

“I’ll pull over up ahead and take a look, eh?” Dad said to Mum.

“Ok Luv,” Mum replied, not looking up from her cross-stitch.

The car rolled to a stop in a picnic area next to a small, inviting, beach.

Dad opened the bonnet and eyed the engine. “I reckon the radiator cap is a bit dodgy.” he said out loud, to no one in particular.

“Hey Barry,” Dad called, “Grab the bottle of water from the boot will ya.”

Barry slipped on his new jandals and stepped into the hot summer sun. He found the water bottle, and handed it to Dad.

“Ta” Dad said, as he used the bottom of his T-shirt to delicately remove the hot radiator cap.

A sudden burst of hot steam erupted from the radiator, engulfing Dad’s face. “Bugger!,” he yelled, staggering backwards.

Dad filled up the radiator with water and got back in the car. “I reckon we’ll need to give it a bit of time to cool down,” he said to Mum. “I might have a snooze.”

“Why don’t you go for a swim, Barry?” said Mum.

Barry was stoked. He grabbed his togs and towel, and set off tramping through the tall seaside grass towards the inviting clear water of the beach.